Oh yes, we all think we are so independent in our thoughts. That's a lie. We are all influenced by something, someone, another thought we heard or learned.
The difference between us is if we admit how much we've been influenced by others. This takes humility to recognize that we've been inspired since the time of birth with sounds, colors, words, energy... We were not raised in isolation but amongst people, animals, and the television. We had someone raise us, parent or other, who for better or worse, influenced our actions and thoughts. We went to school where learned about other people, history and skills. We are most definitely influenced by the hi-tech world around us. Moving to LA made me realize fully the influence this city has on the rest of the world. It is the most influential city in the world. Wow.
None of us are independent thinkers, but some of us like to think we are. That would be me. I usually like my ideas the best. I don't always want to take advice of others. I trust my thoughts more. I feel proud when I tell someone something they don't know or haven't thought of before. I catch myself judging others for not thinking the way I do.
Just being real. The mind is powerful and its perception of itself raised on a pedestal can be detrimental.
Yes, we live in the most independent time for an individual in the entire history of the earth. Have you thought about that? I have :) (haha)
What's wrong with an individualistic society? Narcissism. The lack of care and consideration for others. Selfishness. Takers. An inflated perception of self.
We were never meant to do life alone. We were meant to be in community. To share thoughts and ideas, to learn from each other, to help each other out, to be together. Yes, we are all trying to find our "true identity" but we first must realize that part of our identity comes from those who came before us. So many of us don't want to be anything like our parents. We try so hard to separate ourselves from them to find ourselves. I believe this is part of the natural human process. But as time goes on, we realize that in some ways we are like them. And that's ok. Or at least it should be ok. We need to come to peace with it. It's ok. Promise. This point alone humbles us to realize we didn't create ourselves, we didn't choose how we are wired or what makes us tick, we didn't choose who to be born to, or in what location. There is so much about our self that is out of our control but we are still influenced by it.
Ok, I don't want this blog to become about something else, so... Oh yes, perfectionist. Now, that's a reality.
Many of us are perfectionists. I am when it comes to work I'm going to display to the public. For me, this stemmed from years of piano lessons and performances. I was trained to learn and memorize pieces of music to perform in front of audiences. A tough task I got better at each time. I didn't love doing it per say but it became part of my identity as I grew up. The need to succeed.
Also, being raised in a home that put a lot of weight on getting the best grades led me to do anything to get that A. Sometimes that meant cheating on a test. Not proud of that, but perfectionism will drive you to do crazy things sometimes.
I'm not a perfectionist in every area of my life, thank God, but in the parts I feel I'll be judged the most, I am.
The point of me sharing all this with you is because for an independent thinking perfectionist, it is hard to give up control of a project, let's say, to another person. This is especially difficult if the person you're working with is the wrong person. What makes someone the wrong person to work with? They won't listen to you. You share your thoughts and desires and they disregard them. They don't include you in the process. They don't believe in you. They don't recognize your vision. They don't communicate with you along the way on what they're thinking and doing. They think they are always right. They think you are controlling. They make you upset when you approach them with concerns. They admit they only do things to make money. THESE. ARE. ALL. RED. FLAGS. Get out! Even if it will cost you money, your emotional health is worth more than any dollar.
The right person to work with will be the complete opposite of this. The job of the independent thinking perfectionist is to know what they want and be able to communicate that clearly. They must recognize before a contract is signed that the person understands them clearly and agrees with the vision. Finding a person to work with is tough. It's best to find someone who's work you completely appreciate and admire, someone who is easy to talk to and get along with, and who recognizes their role in a service position that ultimately the goal is to make the client happy.
Life is a learning process. We all make mistakes not only so that we can learn from them, but others can too. It's ok to admit you screwed up. It's ok to admit that you like someone else's idea better. It's ok to share your downfalls with other. It's ok to give someone else credit for an amazing idea you decide to use.
We are all in this life together. We can all learn from each other.
Much Love & Peace,